Over the last few months, I have been all over the place with the content on this blog. The content has ranged from deep personal opinions about the world condition to technical articles on through to the beginning of a life story about my grandfather. It will be a nail biter. You should check it out A Man Named Jim. Not to mention the handful of videos I have thrown up at my YouTube channel. The YouTube Channel follows my journey through trying to become a pro using audio and video mixing tools like Power Director and Mixcraft 9. There is some cool info there along with my stuttering attempt to include a video blog to go along with this blog.
But along with sharing my opinions and advice, this blog has always had another purpose. A greater purpose.
That purpose is to show people dealing with anxiety problems of any diagnosis or any level that you do not have to be afraid to speak your mind. You do not have to sit back and get walked on because someone may not like your opinion, what you are wearing, how you talk, or how you look. You are a person just like they are. For all practical purposes, you are a stronger person than they are. I will explain why I think this as we walk through my mind below.
Anxiety is caused by many things for many reasons, but it always goes the same way. You get a thought in your head, sometimes they just pop in your head, it won’t go away, you try to push it away, the harder you push, the harder it pushes back until you have no choice to give in to the demon that you know is not real but you can not stop. It is not that simple in most cases, but in general, this is how it happens. I am sure many that suffer from anxiety will agree.
We hide it, we go on about our lives, we hide it some more, we tell people nothing is wrong, we hide it some more, we get a job, we raise a family, we get a prescription, we get sick, we hide it.
Miserable but functional is the game of the day, pretty much no matter where you live because anxiety is for babies. Things are starting to lighten up in the business sector somewhat because of pressure from the people. Still, at home, in your neighborhood, in your state, the same old stigmas exist. You fear telling anyone, especially your employer because the little black book tells them that you are an underperformer and a liability to the company if you have anxiety problems. On top of that, just the opinions of your peers and the anxiety demon telling you that they are looking at you, they are thinking about you, they are talking about you.
So we trudge on day after day wondering when the demon will come back, trying to do everything you can to keep it from coming back. Then… one day, without warning, there is a thought, a thought you don’t want, you try to push it away, the harder you push the harder it pushes back until…….
It is a cycle. It is a cycle I lived in for around 40 years. It is a cycle you can break. I broke it, and you can break it too. I am not trying to sell a book out of this, at least not yet; I am trying to help. I have been there. I know your pain, but if I can do it, so can you. You know what you do just say, Fuck it.
No, this post will not be laden with profanity from here on out. That is what I tell myself when I am about to get into a situation where my anxiety may try to wedge its way into my mind. I just say Fuck It.
The way I see it is, how could any damn thing at all that anyone else says or thinks about me be any worse than the anxiety demon that we have already dealt with? Think about it, the demon has already been in your mind, it has controlled you, it has made you do and say things that you would never do of your own accord. It has controlled you. What can this person or situation that you are anxious about do to compare to that? Nothing, not a damn thing, they are not in your mind, he was. Don’t let them in your mind unless you agree.
See, this builds power, it builds your mind, it builds a suit of armor that the anxiety demon will soon find out he is only making stronger. Eventually, your anxiety demon realizes he has armored himself out of your mind and at the same time given you a suit of armor to wear into your daily life. He is quite pissed off when that happens.
Will you have flamers and haters, will you have people that still try to get into your mind, try to walk on you, try to manipulate you? Sadly this is still part of the human psyche, but see, you have been somewhere they have not, you have a suit of armor that they do not, so say Fuck it and charge at them with everything you have. Will the system scold you at times? You bet they will because they will be afraid of your newfound voice, power, life, and self-esteem and they will be scared, scared of this new you that takes shit from no one.
What are you going to do to me? I have told you my life. Will you tell the world your life?